Via mystery,suspense, everything that's rad and Andrew S. Gill,SLS and The Freeze Dried Kooks Museum:

1993 WL 454256.

Teri Smith TYLER, Plaintiff,
v.
James CARTER, William Clinton, Ross Perot, American Cyanamid, Iron Mountain Security Corporation, Defense Intelligence Agencty, IBM, David Rockerfeller [sic], Rockerfeller [sic] Fund, BCCI, NASA, Defendants.
No. 92 Civ. 8658 (CSH)
Nov. 5, 1993
BACKGROUND
Plaintiff Teri Smith Tyler, appearing pro se, filed a complaint in December 1992 alleging a bizarre conspiracy involving the defendants to enslave and oppress certain segments of our society. Plaintiff contends she is a cyborg, and that she received most of the information which forms the basis for her complaint, through “proteus,” which I read to be come silent, telepathic form of communication. … She asserts that the defendants are involved in the “Iron Mountain Plan,” which provides for the reinstitutionalization of slavery and “bloodsports” (which she identifies as death-hunting and witchhunting), and the oppression of political dissidents, herself included. Plaintiff’s complaint alleged a number of personal indignities visited upon her by defendants: “strafing of my dormitory room by planes and helicopters, the electronic bugging of my student rooms and apartments, deliberate noise harassment, blasting of loud rock music with lyrics designed for witch-hunts (music about social pariahs) … students following me around to prevent me from studying, whispering campaigns and social ostrification …” … Plaintiff also makes the following allegations against the defendants. Former President Jimmy Carter was the secret head of the Ku Klux Klan; Bill Clinton is the biological son of Jimmy Carter; President Clinton and Ross Perot have made fortunes in the death-hunting industry, and are responsible for the murder of at least 10 million black women in concentration camps, their bodies sold for meat and their skin turned into leather products. The defendants are also responsible for breeding farms, which turn out 2,000 black girls a year, who are then sold for recreational murder or as human pets. Additionally, the defendants utilize weather control and earthquake technology to threaten other countries that object to the Iron Mountain Plan.

Plaintiff asks the Court to grant her the following relief:

1. $5.6 billion in compensatory and punitive damages;
2. A physical accounting of all black women born since 1940, including their present, whereabouts, and for those who have died, an investigation into how they died;
3. The purchase of land in Africa for the emigration of abused black women;
4. The bringing to justice of those responsible for the American holocaust;
5. An investigation into the foster care system, and a physical accounting of all black children placed into foster care;
6. An end to slavery in the United States;
7. The end of the cyborg program run by NASA, the Defense Intelligence Agency, American Cyanamid and IBM;
8. An end to the organ donor program

While plaintiff was trying to effect proper service of the summons and complaint on the defendants, she made a number of appeals to the Court for interim relief in the form of Orders to Show Cause. On January 20, 1993, she asked the Court to enjoin the inauguration of President Clinton. The Court denied her request as moot. In August, 1993, she moved to enjoin the installation of Louis Freeh as Director of the FBI on the ground that Clinton appointed Freeh only so Freeh could cover up evidence of Clinton’s wrongdoing. That motion was denied, as it lacked a sufficient evidentiary basis.

Presently before the Court is an Order to Show Cause why the Court should not enjoin the trial in the World Trade Center bombing case, now proceeding in this Court before Judge Duffy. Plaintiff alleges that President Clinton ordered the bombing of the World Trade Center in order to justify war with Iraq. In support of her application, plaintiff describes certain “proteus” communications she had with other individuals. Plaintiff alleges that the United States invaded Panama and arrested General Noriega because Noriega objected to United States soldiers raiding Indian tribes in Central America for child sex slaves to torture in American cocaine based thrill-killing rackets. Plaintiff contends she wrote to Noriega asking him to join in her lawsuit, but that United States soldiers holding Noriega beat him when he asked for his mail.

Plaintiff asserts that in 1988, Rajiv Gandshi spoke to her through “proteus” and informed her that he was being held prisoner and sexually abused by a man whom he had caught stealing from the funds generated by the Bhopal disaster settlement. According to plaintiff, Yasser Arafat tried to confirm Ghandi’s tale of abuse on behalf of the plaintiff, to no avail.

Plaintiff additionally contends that Gulf War against Iraq was undertaken so that American could restock its sexual slavery camps, which had been depleted. 40,000 Iraqi soldiers captured by the United States, selected for their physical attractiveness, have been brought to this country where they were “being beaten, forced to run gauntlets and homosexually gang-raped by American soldiers.” Plaintiff claims to have confronted Secretary of Defense Cheney with evidence of this allegation. Cheney, through “proteus,” purportedly told the plaintiff, “Well, we were so sick and tiered of killing black girls. We just had to put some variety back into our death-hunting industry. And they [Persians] are incredibly beautiful. The beauty of the face heightens the pleasure of the kill. I know of no higher pleasure than the gang-rape of exceedingly beautiful people.”

Additionally, the plaintiff alleges that the Serbian government, the “Nazi Bund,” the Bank of Commerce and Credit International (“BCCI”) are also involved in the conspiracy.

Attached to plaintiff’s papers, and apparently offered to support her claim, are a number of exhibits. Most prominent among the exhibits is a book by Robert Ellis Smith entitled “Privacy: How To Protect What’s Left Of It” (1979), and a four page illustrated pamphlet advertising pornographic movies starring young men. Plaintiff has circled a number of photos of naked men who appear to be of Mediterranean or Latin American descent, which I interpret as her evidence that Iraqi and Central American men are enslaved in pornographic “rackets” …

The Court’s Memorandum and Order goes on to explain why the Court is ordering the case dismissed “sua sponte” (meaning of the Court’s own volition, without prompting by the defendants): because the plaintiff is barking mad and must not be allowed to waste public time and resources in this way.

FOOTNOTES

[n1] Death-hunting is described by plaintiff as follows: "In death-hunting, teams of pimps and harriers (women working for pimps) follow a black woman they want to force into sexual slavery and snuff rackets, try to wreck her employment prospects, isolate her socially, break her up with friends and family, often they try to force her onto welfare because it often circumscribes her choice of places to live. Sometimes members of a woman's family or her mate will be cooperative or part of death-hunting teams because participants get paid." Complaint, at 4.

Now isn't that the best, damn, story you ever did read?

What time do you close?
Now
Now isn't a time. What time do you close?
'round sundown
How much have you ever wagered on a coin flip?